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A Peace Puzzle
Two lives
join with many.
The pieces come together.
by
Aria Seligmann
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Liza Loebe
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Ray Lowe
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The pieces of this story fit together like one of Liza Loube's puzzle
rings. It's complicated, until it's finished, then it all seems to fit. It begins
with peace. It ends with the eternal blooming of wildflowers.
Ray Lowe was lying in his hospital bed, dying. The 83-year-old
counselor, mediator and friend to hundreds had finally succumbed to cancer, which
he'd fought off 15 years before. But now the disease had won, overtaking his body
until he couldn't stop it; couldn't arrive at a point of compromise; couldn't step
aside and talk sense to it; couldn't listen and let it vent until it changed its
mind. The cancer was bent on winning at all costs, and defeat him it did.
Or maybe, he was simply needed elsewhere.
Because on the night Ray lay dying, Jan. 23, Liza Loebe was admitted
to the hospital room right next to his. The Saturday Market puzzle ring lady was
wheeled in adjacent to Ray, the Saturday Circus founder. She, too, with cancer, a
discernible lump on her hip to join the lumps in her breasts that, according to close
friends, she joked about and tried to treat naturally; now too late for radiation,
for chemo, for anything but acceptance. She went into a hospice.
A strand of hair on this woman who wove silver and gold into little
toys that people wear on their fingers tested off the charts for nickel content.
But she wasn't bowed. To keep her friends and family from grieving,
just before her death, weak but in indomitable spirits, Liza roused herself to lead
an enthusiastic round of "If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands."
A week after first being admitted to the hospital, she was gone.
Family Mediation Services
"Liza had an incredible knack of taking the silver lining in any situation and
showing it to you," says Roka Walsh, good friend of Liza's and Ray's, and a
mediator-in-training at Family Mediation Services.
It was at FMS that Liza and Ray came together.
Family Mediation Services was founded by Ray in 1981. He had an
extensive background in counseling, psychology and family mediation. He earned his
Bachelor's degree from Massachusetts State College in 1936, and served in the Navy
from 1946-47. He obtained his master's and doctoral degrees from Northwestern
University and became a professor at Montana State University before joining the
UO's counseling psychology department in 1955.
Ray was an active community member: He was regional director for
VISTA from 1965 to 1969 and founder of the Saturday Circus, a parent training class,
and he taught the Dreikursian method of parenting to many parents in Lane County
and elsewhere.
Roka Walsh introduced Liza to Ray in August, 1999. Liza had been
making her puzzle rings, which still sell at Saturday Market, for more than 20 years.
She had been interested in mediation, and with a degree in psychology, immediately
took to it, slowly but surely, taking over duties from Ray, eventually becoming his
right hand person. Her method of mediation was genuine, gentle. "Like her puzzle
rings, she linked people together," says Walsh.
Alan Hanson, a court-connected mediator with Linn-Benton County
domestic relations and a volunteer with FMS, met Ray in 1981 at the UO. "I
took a family mediation course with him and joked he was stuck with me ever since,"
says Hanson, who, with the passing of Liza and Ray, is now the only remaining supervisory
mediator with FMS.
"Liza was a dedicated volunteer," says Hanson. "When
Ray became ill last year we talked of how to continue. Her mediation was marvelous.
Her approach was gentle. As a woman and a mother she could relate to many of the
difficulties clients faced. She had a gentler, calmer way of letting people know
she was there with them," he says.
"Liza Loube was the kindest person I think I have ever met,"
says FMS volunteer Alice Strong. "Her devotion to helping others was not an
act that required anyone's notice. She did it purely for the desire to help. She
gracefully gave all she had with no reservation."
Liza's energy was in stark contrast to Ray's, who "had a mouth
like a sailor" according to Walsh, and could be quite "cantankerous"
according to Strong.
But despite his legendary strong personality, Wayne Anderson, a
nursing student and former FMS mediator, says Ray could bring parties to a comfort
level he'd never seen before. "He used to say if the atmosphere was heavy he'd
try to lighten it up and if it was light he'd bring it down; he was always achieving
a balance." One of Lowe's daughters, Janet Blair, also points to his good qualities.
"He was a sweet generous man, truly a generous man,"
says Blair. He would give what he had and if he didn't, it's because he didn't have
it." Even though she says people took advantage of him for that, Blair says
it's the quality she's "most proud of."
Earth Day Celebration
Procession of All Species. See
Saturday.
Good Faith Agreements
And that quality made Ray want to offer what he had for free, to give no-cost
mediation services to low-income families, and to offer a place for mediators to
get trained.
At FMS, mediators are in-training until they complete 300 hours
of education, including reading, discussion, attending staff meetings, observing
mediation and then participating. As co-mediators, they must work on cases with a
supervisor. They become supervisory mediators after writing five mediation agreements.
That can take a long time, says Hanson. "It can take a lot of cases before you
get to even one written agreement."
That's because some people never come to terms, while others come
to an agreement and walk away without needing it in writing.
"Ray used to say all it takes is good faith between two people
to make a contract; but without good faith, even putting it in writing doesn't help,"
says Hanson.
Written agreements are legally binding if the parties choose to
file them with a court, but most FMS clients are trying to avoid the court system,
choosing to work things out themselves. Because most of the cases revolve around
family issues, child custody, child-parent relationships and the like, the process
is more comfortable for many than the court system.
"Clients have an opportunity to talk and be listened to without
judgment," says Hanson. "In a confidential setting they can be as open
as they can be. They can listen without defending or reacting, without worrying about
attorneys' or judges' reactions."
If people are involved in the court program and there is a disagreement
over child custody issues, they are often referred to Lane County Mediation, where
they work out a parenting plan and custody issues, says Hanson. But at FMS, clients
can also work out financial agreements. "We're seeking to cooperate, not win,"
he says. "Also, parents retain decisionmaking powers, instead of turning the
decision over to a judge who is a total stranger."
Because all the FMS mediators are volunteers and the service has
been run out of Ray Lowe's house, it has remained completely free.
Now with the loss of Ray and Liza, the organization is struggling.
FMS is down to four volunteers: Hanson, plus three co-mediators. And they want to
keep it going -- as a living memorial to Ray, to keep serving the community and to
continue learning themselves, says Hanson. Because Ray's house is being sold, FMS
will move into the Center for Community Counseling on Coburg Road and share office
space with them, until a longterm space can be found.
The Silver Lining
Keeping FMS going as a living tribute to Ray and Liza is only one effort the
group is making. Another memorial seemed necessary. To honor her friends, Walsh called
the city of Eugene and asked about the possibility of creating a memorial garden
-- a place of peace -- for the two who resolved so many conflicts. Something to balance
the war memorial that resides along the river's running path.
The timing couldn't have been better.
As it happened, the city had just adopted a Skinner Butte Master
Plan and was refining the final draft that followed two years of public input on
the future of downtown's riverside land. The city had held three public workshops
inviting comment on the park and a random survey was done on how people felt about
replacing park lawn with native prairie. "Most were OK with it, in limited areas,
as long as we keep other areas as lawn for recreational uses," says City Park
Planner Robin Hostick.
An Upland Prairie
For years, park staff have had to deal with the difficulty of maintaining a site
that's wet all year, specifically, the lawn area west of Lamb Cottage that's a soggy,
boggy boot sink, uncomfortable to play or sit on.
For the past 80 years or so, the area has been kept as lawn. "Everyone
used to come here. The whole town met here and picnicked and swam in the water,"
says Hostick. It was also a car camp, and Lamb Cottage was built in 1915 as a comfort
station. It was abandoned as a camp and swimming site in the 1930s, when the water
quality declined.
Before that -- way before that-- the area was upland prairie. The
Kalapuyas had burned it for thousands of years for camas, a purplish blue flower,
and tarweed, a native sunflower. "When the settlers showed up, there were fantastic
expanses with grasses and flowers," says Hostick. Now, only a few patches of
upland prairie -- wildflowers and a high diversity of grasses -- remain.
There are benefits to converting the lawn, and land, to what it
once was. Uplands are good for salmon. Downtown, stormwater washes down from forested
Skinner Butte, flows under the lawn and into the Willamette. With native plants,
that runoff will absorb nutrients and enhance water quality in the river.
But it will take a lot of work, and education. While the city has
learned about wetlands over the past five to 10 years, very little is known about
uplands. "Finding out how to do this is a challenge, not easy at all,"
says Hostick. "There are logistical hurdles, that's why we'll start small."
The planners must figure out which types of plants to grow, then
begin collecting those seeds. The seeds will be scattered and some starts will be
planted, to see which approach works better. Volunteers will be needed to help identify
and collect seeds, plant them and keep up with the area. Otherwise, invasive species,
such as blackberry and scotch broom could take over, as city staffers will be unable
to manage that much territory.
Longterm Stewardship
That's where a group like friends of Liza's and Ray's comes in.
"Prairie will not stay prairie unless it is managed,"
says Hostick. He agreed to a memorial garden for Liza and Ray near Lamb Cottage.
That will be the first site of the upland prairie conversion. The friends will dig
and plant native plants, followed by a celebration service on May 5. Hostick hopes
that this project will set a precedent for other groups taking over parts and parcels
of the park. "It's longterm stewardship," says Hostick. "There are
all kinds of ways to help."
Meanwhile, over the next few years, starting with a small patch
in the southwest corner of Lamb Cottage and expanding west, then south, then north
from there, wildflowers will spread along the riverside, splashing vibrant colors
against a landscape of water and trees. And a section of this natural beauty will
be preserved for the memory of Ray Lowe and Liza Loebe. A fitting tribute to two
people who walked the path of peace.
Celebration Service and potluck for Liza Loube and Ray Lowe is
from 1 to 3 pm May 5 at Lamb Cottage, where the garden will begin to grow. Bring
dishes and utensils. Parking is limited.
Anyone interested in volunteering to work on parklands can call
682-4850.
For more information on Family Mediation Services, call 718-8707
or 541-928-4137.
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