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Living
Out: Where the Men Aren't.
Letters:
EW readers sound off.
Where
the Men Aren't
"Why aren't there any men
here?" asks the 40-ish woman ahead of me in the
box office line. She's wearing a black velvet evening coat, sparkly
earrings, heels. Her date opens his wallet and buys their tickets
to tonight's show -- a local up-and-coming comedian (a lesbian).
Women's voices percolate through the small dinner
theater. The gentle timbre of their laughter rings out over the tinkle
and clink of ice and forks. Oregano-scented lasagna spices the air.
Soft house lights wash over the few unfilled seats and glint off gelled
haircuts.
"Where are all the men?" she asks again, apparently
not noticing that she's with one, there's one selling tickets, and
another one waiting to usher them to their seats. I recognize a couple
of guys in the audience and wave. Seems like plenty of men here to
me. The woman grows more agitated, "Where are the men?"
"Who needs them?" I reply without thinking. My instinctual
reaction sounds hostile, but I didn't mean it that way. I swear. I've
come off sounding like a complete man-hater, but that's not it at
all. My mental soundtrack plays folk singer Malvina Reynold's "We
Don't Need the Men," a good-natured ditty inspired by women mill-workers
who were getting impatient for the men to end their checkers match
and show up at the union meeting. What I meant to convey is the song's
message -- women don't need men around to take care of business.
Malvina's song is about affirming women's competence and self-reliance,
not man-hating.
How can I clarify that all I meant is that we don't
need men to validate ourselves? I wish I could explain my thoughts
to this perfect stranger: You don't need men around to have a good
time; it's OK to be places that aren't male-dominated; you might even
find it refreshing. Do men worry that so few women attend stockholders
meetings, technology conferences or, say, the US Congress? No!
But I'm magnanimous. Not all men are privilege-sucking
power-mongers. Some of my best friends are male. They can't help it;
they didn't choose to be born that way. I don't begrudge men who pay
good money to see a lesbian comedian. But neither do I worry about
them being in the minority once in a while.
This little tirade goes on inside my head along with
my instant regret for adding to the poor woman's distress. I feel
like a big oaf. Where do I get off being so judgmental? I'm ashamed
of myself for not having more compassion. I want to explain or at
least apologize. I hope she didn't even hear me, or if she did, that
it didn't register.
"Where are all the men?" she asks her date again.
"What's going on here? Is this comedian GAY or something?"
Her guy mumbles under his breath.
"No, it is NOT a stupid question," she argues while
he folds his change into his wallet and hands their tickets to the
usher. She loops her arm through his, telegraphing her uneasiness
at having stumbled into a swarm of lesbians.
The lesbian comedian is, in fact, absolutely hilarious
and the crowd is roaring. Most of the material is universal humor
-- what, you thought lesbians have only one thing on their mind?
Hey, don't confuse us with men! No, haha, I am only kidding.
But she includes a few inside jokes that might go
over the heads of those not in the know. Instead of just enjoying
the show like everyone else, I worry that another straight person
is now completely alienated and convinced that every low-down mean
and ugly thing she's ever heard about lesbians is true. I crane my
neck to see how upset the poor woman has become. I spot her and her
guy a few seats away. I have not given her any credit for having brains.
There they are, laughing their heads off.
Sally Sheklow has been a part of the Eugene community
since 1972 and is a member of the WYMPROV! comedy troupe. Her column,
which began at EW, also runs in several other newspapers around the
country.
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DISTURBING
CUTS
LCC may have to make extensive cuts
in jobs and programs. This would be an enormous loss for our entire
community as well as for the students and staff concerned. CEO surveys
show businesses start up or locate in a particular community in part
because of the skills of the potential workforce. The Wall Street
Journal recently noted community colleges develop motivated workers
with skills in short supply, and are a valuable resource to employers.
LCC is a top-notch community college with nationally recognized programs.
Local businesses will have a hard time finding qualified workers with
cuts to LCC's vocational-technical programs. We shortchange ourselves
when we shortchange LCC.
The cuts in programs for Adults with Special Needs
are especially disturbing. Our community has few resources for training
and education for adults with special needs. They cannot look elsewhere
to meet their needs, because there is nowhere else for them to look.
Cutting their chance to become productive workers is as economically
unsound as it is mean-spirited.
Funding for LCC benefits all of us by boosting our
local economy. As a great community resource, LCC deserves our continued
support.
Robert Roth
Eugene
LOVE
AT LAST
No way getting around, this
will sound preachy. But a good preachy. After about 75 bucks and the
usual difficulties, I finally found my last love via EW Personals.
Guys: Shell out the cash for a blind box, don't make
a potential sweetie pay up the ass for phone time. $6 a week is a
good deal. Showing consideration out the gate is a plus.
And to all listers: Tell the freaking truth. Disclose
your age, your weight and status honestly. And don't run an ad if
you want to play games. You're wasting your time, the EWs time
and the person on the other end's time.
Develop character. You've heard it.
This personal ad stuff is dicey but if you're persistent
it could go. Always, always tell the whole truth.
I'd rather eat a barrel of dog boogers than go through
blind dates and letter writing. Have you tried dog boogers fondue?
They're chewy at first.
Greg Hume
Creswell
SHAME
ON SMITH
The League of Conservation
Voters recently announced Oregon Sen. Gordon Smith has voted against
eight of the Senate's biggest environmental votes in 2001, giving
him the lowest possible "green" score by the national environmental
group.
Representing Oregon in Washington, D.C., on the important
Energy and Natural Resources Committee, Smith will play a key role
in passing the energy policy drafted by Vice President Cheney, which
includes provisions to drill in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge.
While some call for drilling in the pristine ANWR,
we could save far more oil -- more than we'd get from the Arctic
Refuge and currently import from the Persian Gulf combined --
by increasing auto miles-per-gallon standards.
Smith has long represented the interests of energy
company suppliers. Enron has contributed $14,500 to his campaign funds
to ensure that the crucial important Energy and Natural Resources
Committee will be stacked with members who will represent their needs.
The question is whose interests Smith represents in
Washington: big contributors and political players? or Oregon voters?
Jason Burke
Ashland
LAY
OFF CELIBACY
I revile the priests who suggest
that "(making) the priesthood less hospitable to gays" (Register-Guard
3/3) will remedy the church's problem with pedophilia. The implication
is that male homosexuality entails the propensity to sodomize little
boys. Not only is this disgusting and false, but it illustrates the
priests' complete lack of understanding of what love actually is.
Homosexuality is the capacity to have feelings of love and physical
affection for a member of the same gender. The priests who molest
little boys (and girls) are obviously not practicing love or understanding.
The real answer lies in the Catholic Church's unhealthy
attitude toward sexuality in general. Speaking as one raised devoutly
Roman Catholic (and having fully recovered), I can vouch for the church's
unwillingness to confront sexuality in a realistic and modern fashion.
As for the offending priests, how about laying off the celibacy for
a while (with someone your own age)?
Aimee Johnson
Eugene
CHOOSING
CHILDREN
In his letter (1/31), Benton
Elliott suggests that "those individuals who choose to have children"
pay tuition for public education, as if the choice not to have children
renders one exempt from the responsibility. Did it not occur to Mr.
Elliott that he himself is the product of individuals "who chose to
have children," as are all his relatives and friends, his health care
providers, the people who designed and built the roads he uses and
house he lives in, the people who grow, harvest, transport and market
the food he eats, those who compose and perform the music he listens
to and so on? It's called a society, and as members of one, it is
essential that we recognize our inter-connectedness and assume a sense
of collective responsibility for the welfare -- and education
-- of others.
If anything, parents, who are already making great
personal and financial sacrifices to raise our future society, should
be given a break rather than be asked to shoulder more of the burden!
We can only hope Mr. Elliott is among those who chose not to have
children so that his isolationist, look-out-only-for-myself attitude
has one less chance of being passed on to the next generation.
Char Heitman
Eugene
SEND
THEM BACK
Much has been made of Commander-In-Thief
Bush's malapropisms and verbal gaffes, but it is his serious rhetoric
that bothers me. As far as I can see, the only "axis of evil" is that
of corporate influence peddling, the military-industrial complex,
and the bought minions of plutocracy that include most of our elected
federal officials. This is not restricted to Bush and his cronies,
but I haven't seen this much domestic secrecy since the accursed Nixon
administration. I really wish Cheney would be sent to an undisclosed
location in Guantanamo Bay and the Presidunce back to finish grade
school.
Pete Giberson
Eugene
MAKE
HIM PAY
Much has been written and
said about the proposed settlement in the Justice Department, et.
al. vs. Microsoft suit. Very little has been said regarding the penalty
phase. I for one would like to see more than just a slap on the wrist
for Bill Gates & Company. A price reduction in all Microsoft
products would be a good place to start. Rather than wait for Bill
to make enough money to pay fines and retribution to the consumers,
take it directly out of their pockets from the onset:
1) Force the software monopolist to distribute his
OS to the OEM's for a price inclusive of the fines and retribution
to the consumers. 2) Based on projected sales of new PCs and the current
consumer spending for MS applications, regulate the price that Microsoft
can charge for its products. 3) Have Microsoft pay a large financial
penalty within 30 days of the ruling or additional financial penalties
and interest would also have to be paid. This will also "deter" any
coercive thinking on Microsoft's part since they would have to pay
additional fines and penalties for "new" actions illegal under monopoly
laws.
Write to senators and congressman and directly to
the Justice Department and express what you feel would be appropriate
justice in this case. Who knows? It may be what sparks the economy
with new and old software vendors vying in a truly open market.
Fred Marsico
Eugene
NADER'S
MYOPIA
Isn't it important that Ralph Nader says that he doesn't see any difference
between a moderate Democrat and a fundamentalist Republican? (It is
right there in your lead article 3/7.) The crime here is that he really,
really should see that difference clearly and still he continues to
clamor for attention and confuse the issue.
Was it really just the matching funds that was the
hook? After all, we were always free to actually vote for anyone for
office with write-ins. I decided to boycott the conference. I will
never respect Ralph. I'm not sure about the American Greens. Green
means a lot more awareness in Europe.
Deb Huntley
Eugene
ON
THE SCENE
I was only a small town volunteer
grunt firefighter, but watching the "9-11" television program (3/10)
left me with the impression that NYC firefighters have more balls
than brains.
Example 1: They arrive on the scene of an explosion
with blown out windows and burning bodies and proceed to set up their
command post in the middle of the incident. Example 2: After ordering
an evacuation they establish an evacuation area within the "shadow"
area of the incident. Example 3: They are shown putting out one of
the most toxic fires, a car fire, wearing no breathing apparatus.
Example 4: A lot of them smoke cigarettes, voiding any workers' compensation
respiratory claim they might file.
The NYC firefighters deserve all the praise they have
been given, but they seem to have forgotten the PPPPP rule. Proper
planning prevents poor performance.
Michael T. Hinojosa
Drain
METAL
BRAINS
I am always flat-assed amazed
at modern humans who continue to dump the values of their era (Milton
Takei's letter 3/7) upon the people and civilizations of the past.
Most of these "modern" people can't change out a bad
light switch or electric socket (we aren't even asking them to make
anything, just replace it) and yet while wallowing in this metal-rich
society they feel free to claim that the rapidly dying women of the
past are equal to the women of today.
Damn right the Bronze Age people of Crete "deforested"
their lands, it was the only way to plant food and trim back wildlife
that ate people back then. Damn right too that they honored women-shaped
gods in respect of the hardy women that lived beyond the very first
make or break (die) child. No male of that era who wanted to waste
any more metal than was absolutely minimal needed to say thanks to
the life maker (female) because every leftover ounce was needed for
weapons, fittings, and tools.
The "Queens" of that era understood that very same
necessity, why can't the rest of you "get it" also?
How about the concept that everything else was raided
by other civilizations maybe just for its metal content and all that
remains is the best hidden stuff? Are you all post-literate institutionally
dumb?
Daniel J. Moore
Springfield
McBISON
BURGERS
Taxpayers might want to know
they're helping subsidize billionaire Ted Turner's ventures, the latest
being a planned restaurant chain pushing bison burgers. The first
Ted's Montana Grill restaurant opened in Columbus, Ohio, this
month. "Look out, McDonald's," said Turner before cutting the ribbon.
Turner, the largest private landowner and largest
bison rancher in the U.S., already sells bison meat to a cooperative
subsidized by the federal government with millions of tax dollars
each year. Taxpayers also provided $190,000 in 2000 to Turner and
his companies in federal farm subsidies designed to prop up needy
farmers.
Turner, who sponsors elite bison hunts at $10,500
per hunter, has used the notoriously cruel federal "Wildlife Services"
agency to kill wild dogs on his 320,000 acre Ladder Ranch with aerial
gunning, shooting, and steel-jaw traps. We taxpayers also helped shock
wolves on one of Turner's ranches -- Wildlife Services trapped
four of them and placed them in a pen on Turner's "Flying D Ranch"
in Montana for electrical shock experiments. It was all part of the
war on wildlife waged by this agency for ranchers who refuse to pay
the costs of raising livestock in wild country. Turner also has erected
"killer fences" that snare and torture migrating wildlife.
If you find Turner's tactics hard to swallow, steer
clear of his new restaurants. Instead, do something good for you,
the animals, and the environment -- go vegetarian. Order People
for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' beautiful free Vegetarian Starter
Kit at www.GoVeg.com
or by calling 1-888-Veg-Food.
Carla Bennett
PETA Headquarters
Virginia
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