Living Out: :LesboLand: Thanks for coming out, we hope you'll be back real soon. Letters: EW readers sound off. LesboLand Thanks for coming out, we hope you'll be back real soon. "This exhibit shows domesticated lesbians from the late 20th century in their natural habitat." The guide steps aside to allow an unobstructed view. In the display, two life-sized figures of middle-aged women sit on a sofa holding handfuls of artificial popcorn. The small TV screen in front of them glows with "The Puppy Episode" of "Ellen." E. and I elaborate on our roadside attraction idea every time we drive up the coast highway. When we pass the dilapidated Indian museum with its faded "Live Buffalo" sign, we start speculating. The sagging A-frame with a half dozen abandoned cars in front becomes a bright, neon-lit entrance to -- LesboLand. "In the wild, lesbians flocked together in large groups." The crowd presses in for a close look at a Women's Music Festival diorama. A replica of rustic outdoor camp showers fills the foreground. Ribbons of plastic water drizzle onto the backs of all different sizes, shapes and colors of naked, hairy-legged mannequins. "That water is cold!" the tour guide feigns a shiver for emphasis. People elbow through the crowd for a close up look at the finely detailed goose flesh. Beyond the showers, the realistic forest backdrop is dotted with dome tents and lawn chairs. On a wooden stage in the distance a tiny folk singer holds a guitar. "And over here we have The Lesbian Hall of Fame." Dozens of portraits and statues line a long corridor. The guide recites highlights of the lives and social contributions of Alix Dobkin, Audre Lorde, and Martina Navratilova. Little kids are cautioned not to touch the medals on the uniformed statue of Margarthe Cammermeyer. Fake closet doors line another corridor: The Lesbian Hall of Shame. The guide reaches for one of the doorknobs. "Who do we have here?" She opens one closet door to reveal a life-sized figure of former Attorney General Janet Reno. The crowd gasps, "No!" The tour group pours out of the gallery into a simulated San Francisco street scene. They crowd in behind realistic police barricades. Rainbow balloons arc overhead. Thunder rumbles in the distance. A giant movie screen drops down. People crane their necks to see. The rumble grows to a roar. Then the P.A. speakers boom, "Ladies and gentlemen, leading the Gay Pride Parade, Dykes on Bikes!" Hundreds of motorcycle engines drown out the announcer and a film flickers into action. Throngs of women-driven Harleys, mopeds, 10-speeds, even a few unicycles storm across the grainy screen. Finally the din fades. By now the children are impatient. They tug at their parent's sleeves. "We want to go on the lesbian roller coaster." The adults reluctantly leave their reverie and take the kids to LesboLand's most popular attraction. "This roller coaster is not for the faint of heart," a scratchy loudspeaker voice repeats every five seconds. Families scramble eagerly into coaster cars. First the car chugs up "Coming Out Hill." When it tops the peak, it whizzes around a dizzying series of loops and switch backs called "Dates, Partners, and Ex-es." The passengers squeal and shriek at every turn. Then comes the really scary part. A human-looking man with a bad comb-over slithers out from under a huge papier maché rock. "I said I'd be back," his amplified voice bellows. The people scream in gleeful terror. The man's life-like arm yanks a huge lever marked ANOTHER ANTI-GAY CAMPAIGN. The car careens to the right. It swerves onto a bumpy stretch of treacherous terrain, lurches past a series of Save Our Children lawn signs and hurtles into darkness. Real-sounding shouts of "Hey you dykes!" and "Kill those queers!" echo down the dark tunnel as the car jostles through Hate Crimes Gulch. The parents hug their kids in close. Authentic-sounding gunshots pierce the air and the riders recoil in unison. The kids snuggle in tighter. The car slows and emerges into the light for the ride's audience participation segment. The people reach out to painted plywood voters along the sides of the track and grab ballots. When they've accumulated all the votes they can, a voice on the sound system crackles, "Congratulations, you have defeated the measure." The car plunges downhill for a final splash through the Waters of Bittersweet Victory. Safe on the ground, hungry kids beg for the concession booth. There's only one item on the menu: potluck-on-a-stick. The kids devour baked tofu and steamed carrots and run ahead of their parents to explore the gift shop. They grab rainbow flag stickers, labrys pendants and pink triangle pins. Their parents pay for the souvenirs and gather up their tired, satisfied children. E. and I embellish this daydream for miles. We imagine a cozy little place out back where we spend our golden years managing LesboLand. "Thanks for coming out, we hope you'll be back real soon," the loudspeaker blares cheerily. The tourist families trudge across the gravel lot to their cars where they find cardboard signs wired onto the bumpers: "We (heart) LesboLand!" Sally Sheklow has been a part of the Eugene community since 1972 and is a member of the WYMPROV! comedy troupe. Her column, which began at EW, also runs in several other newspapers around the country. Back to Top Stolen Election Black folks in this country know more about American history than most other Americans. This is true because we remember the history of racism which most other Americans work to ignore and forget. If G.W. Bush wins, our memory of this most recent presidential election will be that G.W. Bush got elected with the help of racism. You can try to cover it up any way you want, but no cover up will change the fact that G. W. would not have won Florida if the black vote had not been suppressed systematically by racist practices and procedures. There was a massive voter registration drive in Florida which increased black voter registration by 65 percent from the 1996 election. Among other things this was motivated by Jed Bush's effort to eliminate affirmative action in Florida. The slogan of the voter registration drive was, "We will remember in November." The black folks in Florida did remember. They voted at a rate at least 50 percent higher than in 1996, and 93 percent of their votes went for Gore. Thousands of black voters were denied the right to vote even when they had voter registration cards and picture identification. Florida used a private firm to purge the voter roles using flawed lists that just happened to disproportionately reject black voters. The State Police set up road blocks near polling places in black communities and asked if drivers were going to vote. Polling places in black communities had voter rolls that did not include the newly registered voters and they had no way of checking the master lists in the counties because those polling places did not get the laptop computers other polling places got for the purpose of checking the master lists. Ballot boxes were lost. Polls were closed while people were still in line. Polling locations were changed without notice. The predominantly black polling places had the oldest voting machines, thus they had the most malfunctions. The list goes on. Perhaps as Republicans have said about the confederate flag, "it is just a heritage thing." We will remember. Charles Dalton Eugene Tenuous Claim George W. Bush certainly can not claim he won the presidency by the vote of the American people. Nationwide, he lost the election to Al Gore by 337,000 votes. The U.S. Supreme Court gave the presidency to Bush on Dec. 12 by a shamefully politicized 5-to-4 vote. Their ruling derailed Gore's efforts to get a fair and accurate vote count in Florida. Bush now says we must forget about all that and unite behind him. But there are many Americans who do not feel especially charitable at this moment. They vividly recall that the right wing spent the last eight years bashing President Bill Clinton, dragging him all the way to a divisive and unjustified impeachment trial. We should not mimic the radical right's past vindictiveness. But neither should we blindly support the programs of a president like Bush, whose moral and ethical claim to the presidency is tenuous at best. Mario Carchiola Eugene More Oily Slime If oil and water doesn't mix, the presidential election proved that oil and oil does mix. Both oil-friendly candidates mixed too well and they are now discovering the evenness of the mix was actually good for their relationship and supposedly the country's future. Wonderful. As we "move forward", congress and the presidential candidates will find a lot to agree on besides supporting the dependence on oil at the expense of the environments of our country and producing nations. The will also agree to let the senior citizens languish in desperation and starvation to pay for prescriptions. They will ignore the health care needs of millions of others, especially children. They happily will wreck the forests, air and water even further. The income gap will continue to grow. Schools will never see the return of their music, arts, counseling or other necessary programs. Prison will continue to grow while drug treatment suffers. Corporate media will ensure only one message is heard with repetition: the pursuit of money. The military will expand beyond the food-stealing, polluting, all-encompassing institution it is. Nicotine, guns, alcohol, animal-destroying junk food will get even more enthusiastic bi-partisan support. Forget about campaign finance reform, low-income housing, or religious tolerance. The initial chemical imbalance between the perfect mix of oil and oil has subsided. We now have the enthusiastic endorsement from the media, corporations, and political parties to work together to breathe, worship, and wear the only choice available to us: dirty, slimy, and toxic oil. Mike Meyer Eugene Ideological Leap Whew, what a close race, huh? Five to four. In the end, these were the numbers that mattered. But after all, it was so much more expedient to have a slim majority of right-wing, partisan Supreme Court justices choose our president than to actually count all of the votes in Florida. And like the pundits we keep hearing on television, aren't you just relieved that it's finally over (regardless of the fairness of the process or outcome)? No? Well, perhaps we should hang our hopes on a couple of assertions made by the Nader folks: First, there was the prediction that a Bush presidency will inspire a tidal wave of united, progressive activism over the next four years. I sincerely hope that they are right, and that they will be some of the most vocal among us. The second assertion was that just as many Republicans as Democrats crossed over to vote for Nader. It seems like a huge ideological leap for a Republican to make, but it is pleasant to imagine what a great country this would be if all Republicans turned green. Lynette Boone Eugene Dominant Culture I am writing to address the question that has been asked so often lately, "How could anyone be offended by a (Christmas) tree?" Having lived in Eugene for more than 16 of the past 20 years, I can tell you that growing up in Eugene as a Jew is not fun. I went to Eugene public schools, and I was physically attacked on numerous occasions, as well as hearing anti-Semitic threats on a regular basis. December was the month when I was beaten up more than any other, and the correlation between my non-participation in the so-called "secular" holiday Christmas, and the violence directed at me, was unmistakable. I want people to understand that the ability to see a Christmas tree and see it only as a tree, or as a symbol of a secular holiday, is an institutionalized privilege held by those people who come from the dominant culture. The sense of entitlement that I've encountered about Christmas celebrations is offensive to me. I'm not a particularly religious person, and I'm happy for people who can have a tree in their home to celebrate Christmas and enjoy it, but I need people to understand that I see a Christmas tree and remember being slammed up against a concrete wall in seventh grade because I didn't celebrate Christmas. I remember being kicked out of my fifth grade choir because I didn't know the words to "Silent Night," and I can't help but think of the history of oppression and violence directed at non-Christians at this time of year. I believe more hate crimes happen around the holidays than at any other time, not only hate crimes against Jews, but also against queer kids who come out to their families, and any other people not participating in the dominant culture. I do not want to see Hanukkah decorations in public places any more than I want to see Christmas trees. I don't think any religion-based symbols have a place in public places. As I said, I'm very happy for those people who choose to have Christmas celebrations in their private homes, but please don't force me to see your cultural symbols that remind me of hundreds of years of violence, pogroms, repression, and the Holocaust. You may think I'm trying to be inflammatory, but I can't see a Christmas tree without remembering my relatives who were slaughtered in the name of the religion that is the origin of Christmas. That is why I get "offended" when I see a Christmas tree in a public building. Bay Malcolm Eugene Sign of Greed It happens every year about this time. Somebody wants to erect a Christmas display in a public facility. Local skeptics get wind of the scheme and protest, citing the First Amendment. Christian zealots and knee-jerk traditionalists counter with a variety of curious rationalizations, including my personal favorite: "Its not really a Christian symbol" -- but never explaining why, then, its called a "Christmas tree". That "logic" didn't work with the "war memorial" either. A symbol's meaning is subjectively defined, and in the minds of most Westerners, a conifer decorated with lights and gaily-colored ornaments is inextricably associated with the Christian mythos. So the next step is to feign "inclusive intent" by referring to "other" religions seasonal observances, i.e., Hanukkah, Ramadan, even pagan solstice celebrations -- while ignoring or incongnizant of the fact that even by conservative estimates there are more people in the U.S. that claim NO religious affiliations than there are that follow all the "minority" beliefs put together. But no "?'s" or"0's"; not so inclusive, eh? At least four out of five Americans claim to be Christian. Christianity has its own broadcast networks, radio stations, publishing companies, colleges, and billions in property and assets -- all tax free. Furthermore, if one goes and looks around town, one is likely to see that practically every home and business has put up some manner of dedication to this holiday. My point? That Christianity has enough prominence and favorable consideration. To demand more may be considered a sign of greed -- one of the seven deadly sins, I believe. Bill Smee Eugene Safety Net There may only be coal for the stockings of 50 workers in Coburg and 20 in Bend. They showed up on time and worked. But they and their families may not see their paychecks until well after the holiday season. These workers had the misfortune of being employed by a company that closed on Dec. 6 and could not pay its debts -- including two weeks of employees' salaries. It could have been worse. Fortunately, the relief available through Oregon's Wage Security Fund will help. The fund, managed by the Bureau of Labor and Industries, will pay the salaries of unpaid workers up to $4,000 each. It seems clear that workers laid off by Destinations RV are eligible and should be paid. I'm pleased that the state of Oregon protects workers with this safety net. However, I would like to see payments expedited from weeks to days, especially in cases of hardship. Explaining a difficult financial situation to creditors is distressing. Explaining it to a child is painful. The Destinations RV closure highlights the need for the Wage Security Fund and the importance to Oregon workers and businesses of maintaining this fund in a strong, stable and responsive condition. Pete Sorenson Lane County Commissioner Spruce Splinters In his column (11/30), Mr. Spruce Houser ridiculously attempts to blame Nader and the Greens for Gore's pathetic campaign performance. He falls into all the familiar traps and winds up in a fit of outraged hand-wringing. Mr. Spruce strains to portray himself as a pillar of Green values, yet he buckles under the barrage of distortions launched by opponents of the progressive agenda. He then turns on Green values, and supports the antithesis. Apparently, his sense of civic duty allows him to support a pro-nuclear, pro-military, anti-union, pro-death penalty, pro-logging candidate. Not very effective. I share none of his agony or fear of Bush over Gore. Gore and Bush represent virtually the same grim prospects for progressives and all we stand for. I was interested in promoting a great platform and candidate. A platform truly addressing the major issues of this era. Not throwing my support away on the wishful thinking that some pie-in-the-sky alliance might advance a progressive agenda. Alliances with the Democrats have already proven disastrous for many progressive causes. The unions are but one example. After 50 years of being used, abused, and taken advantage of by the Democrats, organized labor is now reduced to groveling for crumbs. Infatuation with the immediate and short term power plays will not lead to success for those now marginalized. This is but one battle in a long war. The lesson to learn here is that self-described progressives may buckle in the face of the Republicrats attacks, as Mr. Spruce has. Let us not forget which pillars buckled in time of need. Boz Van Houten Eugene Opera by Houser The 11/30 Spruce Houser column reduced to a libretto and fleshed out with music by Verdi could become a classic. Spruce is seen seduced by Ralph Greens' Overture 1991, while traveling in distant West Virginia. Some martial music please and a retreating cavalry in shambles riding side-saddle on asses following General Gore. The roar of elephants indicate an advancing army led by General Bush of Toxic, Texas. Night falls. Spruce Houser prays at a shrine that his old friend Ralph Greens will sacrifice his small but determined troop to save Gore. Meanwhile, Ralph rides his white charger tilting microphones, in stadiums and halls across the land. Ralph hears not the call, due to thundering youthful applause, plus a rankling from recent forensic disqualifications. Ralph speaks with a returning scout only to find that the asses and elephants are mounted by riders uniformed alike. Ralph orders his troops home so as to sharpen their idealism for the next great struggle. Now the crucial battle: asses, elephants, posters, machines, stock certificates torn and trampled, reduced to confetti and chads. Few will survive this engagement on a boot-shaped peninsula conquered earlier by Jebius Bush. Tears fall and bitter words sputter from Spruce; he contemplates the future bereft of forest, fish, fresh food and talk shows. The choir of handsome working-men and equally attractive women with bandannas and bandoleers pass the post office their strong harmonic voices bounce from brick and glass. Spruce on one knee, the music now reaches his core, he smiles faintly and cries with joy as a fair one wraps The Pacific Green shawl about his rising shoulders. John Egan Eugene Scientific Myths Your use of the term "fertilized egg" ("New Abortion Option," 12/7) is scientifically inaccurate. The term further creates the impression that this tiny human being is a mere thing. Human embryologists including Ronan O'Rahilly have debunked the use of the phrase. As Professor Dianne Irving points out in the paper, "When Do Human Beings Begin?" the use of terms such as "ovum" and "egg" -- which would include the term "fertilized egg" -- is scientifically incorrect, has no objective correlate in reality, and is therefore very misleading. These terms themselves would qualify as "scientific myths." The commonly used term, "fertilized egg," is especially very misleading, since there is really no longer an egg (or oocyte) once fertilization has begun. A "fertilized egg" is a human being. "This new single-cell human being immediately produces specifically human proteins and enzymes (no carrot or frog enzymes and proteins), and directs his/her own growth and development (in fact this growth and development has been proven not to be directed by the mother). Finally, this new human being, the single-cell human zygote, "is biologically an individual, a living organism -- an individual member of the human species." In future reports, it would be most helpful to your readers if you use the correct scientific terms such as zygote, embryo and fetus. This will help your readers understand that (a) the person in question is not a part of her mother's body, and that (b) she exists at fertilization and is an individual. It also clarifies the fact that many popular methods of birth control, like the pill, abort persons during their first few days of life. Judie Brown, president American Life League Stafford, Virginia Useful in a Pinch Extra! Extra! Felons take White House -- Bush, Cheney's team committed third-class felonies in Seminole and Martin counties to ensure Florida's Electors. Bush, Cheney ticket, both residents of Texas, violating Article II, Section 1, Clause 3 of the Constitution. Secretary of State Harris, is appointed elector, holding an office of trust under the U.S., violating Article II Section 1, Clause 2 of the Constitution. Bush and party obstructing, at every turn, the count of legal ballots and doing "backflips" to retain "illegal" Republican ballots. Florida's Legislature playing lackey to a political party, ignoring their constituents, to guarantee Bush the most corrupt election in history -- and last but not least, the unsavory act of selecting a running-mate with a coronary condition that almost guarantees that (oops!) Jeb Bush, governor of Florida (convenient) will be vice-president in the near future, thus ensuring an incompetent but all-powerful dynasty. Never let it be said that the CIA isn't useful in a pinch. Carolyn C. Malcolm Eugene Doomed to Obscurity Ralph Nader squandered a chance to have a real impact on our political landscape and sent the liberal side of the national conversation to the back burner. Successful third parties must operate within a two-party system. In countries ruled by collaboration, minor parties use their influence when they align with a major party, bringing their voice and votes along as part of a collation government. If Ralph had stepped up and said, "I have met with Vice President Gore and we have agreed to work together to bring a voice to the political arena not heard in this election," he could have shared his message on a national scale. He would have positioned himself as "kingmaker" by giving Gore the victory and cemented his message into party politics -- "Green Democrats". He would have given voice to liberals like Paul Wellstone and perhaps even cabinet appointments such as secretary of labor. Instead we saw "Darth Nader" gone to the political darkside by belittling both presidential candidates, building up his ego but with no national voice for his message. Unlike Ross Perot, who created the anti-deficit movement in presidential politics, none of Nader's message has emerged on the national stage. Only his ego got attention from either the political arena or the national press; not his message. As one who believes in much of his message, this seems a profound waste and has doomed he and his party to political obscurity for the next four years. Joanne Dubrow and Ryan Collay Eugene Look Ahead I continue to be surprised that many people blame Ralph Nader or his supporters for the lack of a clear win for Al Gore. Assigning blame is a convenient way of obscuring two things: Half of eligible voters didn't cast votes for anybody, and people voted for Nader because they liked his progressive positions on the issues. I think it is more fruitful in the long run for progressives to look to the 48 million who voted for George W. Bush or the 100 million who stayed away from the polls rather than continuing to harp on Nader, the fallen friend, or Nader supporters (Spruce Houser, 11/30). This seems like Houser is suffering a personal betrayal that is obscuring some simple arithmetic. In such a close election, the "actual deciding votes" could be found just about anywhere. This sadness and blame will bog progressives down. Let's not expend our energy this way; rather, let's start thinking of how we can work to interest 100 million or more disenfranchised people in their civic lives. Catherine Heising Eugene Happy Whatever To Jim Johnson, City of Eugene, Greetings from Flacid Ashback: Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all; plus, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishees. Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit. Past wishes are not guarantees of future wish results. This greeting is not intended to be distributed to any jurisdiction which would subject the sender to licensing or registration in that jurisdiction of the wished. No part of this greeting, nor its material, nor any copy of the express permission of the sender. Information in this greeting is developed from information believed to be accurate but the sender cannot guarantee its accuracy. Information, opinions and estimates contained in this greeting reflect a judgment at its original date of publication by the sender and are subject to change. John Waters, Jim Fritz and Skeeter Duke Eugene LETTERS POLICY: We welcome letters on all topics and will print as many as space allows. Please limit length to 250 words, keep submissions to once a month, and include your address and phone number. E-mail to editor@eugeneweekly.com, fax to 484-4044, or mail to 1251 Lincoln, Eugene 97401. Back to Top Table of Contents | News & Views | Arts & Entertainment Classifieds | Personals | EW Archive