MOVIE CLIPS | VIDEO RELEASES | THEATER INFO Clueless Altman loses touch, creates a disaster. By Lois Wadsworth Dr. T and the Women: Directed by Robert Altman. Written by Anne Rapp. Produced by Altman and James McLindon. Executive producer, Cindy Cowan. Cinematography, Jan Kiesser. Production design, Stephen Altman. Editor, Geraldine Peroni. Costumes, Dona Granata. Music, Lyle Lovett. Starring Richard Gere, with Helen Hunt, Farrah Fawcett, Laura Dern, Shelley Long, Tara Reid, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, Janine Turner, Lee Grant and Robert Hays. Artisan Entertainment, 2000. R. 122 minutes.   Maid of Honor Marilyn (Liv Tyler) and bride-to-be DeeDee (Kate Hudson). .   From the sickening lurch in my stomach to the instant headache that struck, I realized within minutes of Robert Altman's latest film, Dr. T and the Women, that the picture was a misfire. Misogyny disguised as cute comedy is a cheap trick. Nothing in the subsequent two hours made me feel better about Altman or this lousy movie. At its cutest, the film patronized women. At its funniest, the onscreen antic laughed at someone's expense. Rotten at the core, this exercise showed me one thing: Altman has lost his touch. Sorry, Mr. Altman. I've defended your films, even loved some that other critics hated such as Short Cuts and Pret-a-Porter (Ready to Wear). I thought last year's Cookie's Fortune was a lovely, low-key, slice-of-life. But I'm done with all that. An opening shot of a nervous, older woman undergoing a pelvic examination on a gynecologist's exam table isn't funny, it's pathetic. Time to hang up the director's cap, old boy, and take a well-deserved retirement before you undo the public's notoriously short memory of your accomplishments. You've created a small body of work comprised of films so lucid and unforgettable that your fame is assured -- Nashville, M*A*S*H*, McCabe and Mrs. Miller, The Player. Even your less-than-brilliant work such as Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean and Kansas City have won awards. So why turn into a nasty old geezer now? Rest on your laurels, sir, and if kind words don't woo you, take this crusty advice: Get the hell out of filmmaking before you turn into a whining loser like Alan Rudolph, whose lame-brained efforts in Trixie (which you produced, forgodssake!) erased the memory banks where his better, earlier work was cherished. And to Richard Gere and all the actresses who chose to work with you on this dismal project -- Helen Hunt, Farrah Fawcett, Laura Dern, Shelley Long, Tara Reid, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, Janine Turner, Lee Grant -- just say "no." Your career is not bloody likely to go on half as long as Altman's has if you continue to show poor judgment like this. "It can't be that bad. It's Altman," you think. Wrong. Gere's character is a dummy about women, although he's surrounded by adoring hordes of them -- his wife, two daughters, sister-in-law, three nieces, various medical office staff and Dallas' richest and most neurotic matrons. But Dr. T has infantalized his pampered wife, Kate (Farrah Fawcett), and now that she's institutionalized, he falls in love with the new golf pro at his club (Helen Hunt). To help with the crisis caused by Kate's absence, her boozy sister Peggy (Laura Dern) has moved in with her three little girls. His daughter, DeeDee (Kate Hudson), is getting married. The other daughter leads tourists around the grassy knoll and book repository where JFK was killed. Connie (Tara Reid) needs to tell Dad about stumbling into DeeDee and the maid of honor, Marilyn (Liv Tyler), in flagrante delicto last summer. Dr. T is clueless as a husband, as a doctor, as a father, as a lover. Altman's mean-spirited tangents that victimize his patients and office staff don't affect T at all. He just goes on his way, blithely, from disaster to disaster. Dr. T and the Women is playing its last shows at Cinemark 17 and Cinema World 8 on Thursday night, Nov. 2. Not to worry. With our luck, it will come back to Movies 12 for a long run. Boyish Adventures Love makes guys grow up. By Lois Wadsworth Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire: Written and directed by Kevin Jordan. Co-written by Derick Martini and Steve Martini. Produced by Jordan, Martini and Martini. Executive producers, Sheilah Goldman and Thomas W. Lynch. Cinematography, Fred Iannone. Editors, Kevin Anderson, Ryan Rothmaier. Set Design, Karyn Burgner, Deana Aho. Music, Chris Horvath, Steven Martini, Bill Henderson. Starring Derick Martini and Steven Martini, with Christa Miller, Rosemarie Addeo, Amy Hathaway and Bill Henderson. Stratosphere Entertainment, 2000. R. 90 minutes.   Chris (Derick Martini) and Tony (Steven Martini) are brothers on and off the screen. .   You know how some names set off internal signals like flashing highway signs that warn approaching motorists of lane closures, detours or construction? Well the suits who OK'd Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire didn't get the message that the title is not only linguistically limp but also utterly misleading. This is a plodding, pedestrian tale of two unalike brothers making the transition from dickhead to the next level of maturity. It is not as strangely exotic as the names bestowed on them by their grandmother, who a bit of unconscious racism in the script quickly points out was one-half Native American. The fictional Remi brothers, Chris (Derick Martini) and Tony (Steven Martini), have grown up without parents in L.A., where they share the family home. Chris (Goat on Fire) at 25 is a sober-sided accountant whose long relationship with his high-school girlfriend, Alison (Amy Hathaway), is coming to an end. Tony (Smiling Fish) is in his early 20s and will sleep with anyone who says "yes." His steady girlfriend, Nicole (Heather Jae Marie), is fed up. Transition time, fellas. Three relatively stable people enter the brothers' lives just in time. Clive Winters (Bill Henderson) is the fabulous 80-year-old uncle of Chris's boss; Anna (Rosemarie Addeo) is an Italian woman Chris meets at a party; and Kathy (Christa Miller) is a single mother and mail carrier Tony meets when she comes by the house hauling a creaky mail cart. If it weren't for the presence these characters bring to the project, especially Henderson's Clive, the movie would be unwatchable. As it is, when they are not onscreen, the movie is mildly interesting at best. Protracted adolescence is never a pretty thing, and living an unexamined life is excusable only in the very young. I understand that if you don't have a good role model you may never learn how to grow up, so maybe these characters are missing a big piece emotionally because they were young when their parents died. But I can predict with some certainty that few women of any age will sit still through the film's frequently turgid, inept and self-indulgent patches. The Tao of Steve fans may be able to identify with what the brothers are going through. Basically, the only reason for anyone to see the film is the generous performance by character actor and jazz singer Henderson. He plays Clive as a man so in love with his late wife that he cannot bear to live without her. They met when he was a sound man on Paul Robeson film that she worked on as well. Vintage photographs from the Lincoln Motion Picture Company add poignancy to his story and help ground the movie. Henderson has had an extensive film and television career, and performed as vocalist with such jazz greats as Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie and Art Blakey's Jazz Messengers. He contributes three songs to the soundtrack. The film was shot in 12 days on a starvation budget of $40,000. The script was revised almost continually during pre-production and on the set. Knowing that almost makes me want to lighten up on director Kevin Jordan and his co-writers and stars, the Martini bros. If you can cut these guys a little slack, catch the film. Opens Friday, Nov. 3 at the Bijou. OPENING OR RETURNING: Films open the Friday following date of EW publication unless otherwise noted. Beyond Organic: Half-hour documentary by Michael Ableman about efforts to save his organic farm from development is narrated by Meryl Streep and produced by John de Graaf. Will show on PBS next spring. NR. UO, 207 Chapman, 11/4, 8:45 am. Free. Bound: Two gay women try to outsmart the mob in this 1996 violent noir thriller, the feature film debut of directors Larry and Andy Wachowski. Stars Jennifer Tilly as the Mafia "wife," Gina Gershon as an ex-con thief, and Joe Pantoliano as the mid-level mobster whose $2 million dollars they steal. R. UO, 180 PLC, 11/3, 8 pm. $2 students/$3 general. Bring It On: Kirsten Dunst (The Virgin Suicides) is a cheerleader who wants to lead her squad to a national title. Gabrielle Union (She's All That) is head of a rival, inner-city hip-hop squad that has a score to settle with their suburban counterparts. PG-13. Late night Bijou. Charlie's Angels: Elite private investigators Natalie (Cameron Diaz), Dylan (Drew Barrymore), and Alex (Lucy Liu), work for Charlie (Bill Murray), and they can handle anything on land, sea or air with up-to-the-minute martial arts skills, futuristic vehicles, high-tech tools and toys, and a raft of crafty disguises. PG-13. Cinema World 8. Cinemark 17. Movieland 6. Crew, The: Burt Reynolds, Richard Dreyfuss, Dan Hedaya and Seymour Cassel are old-timers in Miami Beach who hatch a scheme to save their garish senior residence. Movies 12. Digimon the Movie: Japanese animated shorts became a children's series on Fox Kids Network, spread to toys, an action apparel line and trading cards. Now it's a movie and soundtrack CD. PG. Movies 12. Kings of Comedy, The Original: Spike Lee's concert documentary is topical, hilarious and raunchy. Four stand-up black comics deliver their notions of African American family life in peak comic performances: D.L. Hughley, Bernie Mac, Cedric The Entertainer and Steve Harvey. Highly recommended. R. Movies 12. Legend of Bagger Vance, The: A down-and-out former golf star (Matt Damon) finds the girl of his dreams, again, (Charlize Theron). A guardian-angel (Will Patton) helps him remembers his "authentic swing." Directed by Robert Redford. PG. Cinemark 17. Cinema World 8. Replacements, The: During an NFL players' strike, coach Gene Hackman brings in a bunch of misfits and has-beens to take his team to the play-offs. Howard Deutch's comedy stars Keanu Reeves, with Jon Favreau, Brooke Langton and Orlando Jones. PG-13. Movies 12. Scary Movie: Parody of Scream teen horror directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans stars Carmen Electra in the Drew Barrymore role, Marlon Wayans and Shawn Wayans. Look for lots of improvisations in this spoof. R. Movies 12. Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire: Close but not alike, two orphaned adult brothers have to grow up and get on with their lives. It's not easy, but they have some help from an 80-year old black sound man played by Bill Henderson. Really low-budget debut film directed by Kevin Jordan stars co-writers Derick and Steven Martini. R. Bijou. See review this issue. When Father Was Away on Business: 1985 film directed by Emir Kustirica ('99's Black Cat, White Cat) is set in 1950s Yugoslavia. Follows what happens to a family as seen through the eyes of a child when the father is imprisoned for flirting with a woman desired by a high-ranking Communist official. Dark comedy. Best Foreign Film winner '85. R. UO, 122 Pacific, 11/7, 7 pm. Free. CONTINUING: Almost Famous: Cameron Crowe's critically acclaimed ode to rock and roll music stars Patrick Fugit as a 15-year old music writer for Rolling Stone magazine sent on tour with a rock band. Also stars Billy Crudup, Frances McDormand, Kate Hudson, Jason Lee and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Fabulous movie, wonderful performances. One of the year's best. R. Movieland 6. Bedazzled: Remake by Harold Ramis (Analyze This) of a late '60's Dudley Moore chestnut, the movie stars a lovesick Brendan Fraser selling his soul to the devil (Elizabeth Hurley) to win the woman of his dreams (Frances O'Connor). PG-13. Cinemark 17. Movieland 6. Best in Show: Christopher Guest (Waiting for Guffman) directs and stars in this faux docu about dog-lovers whose goal is to win the annual kennel club show. Michael Hitchcock and Parker Posey are hilarious as a neurotic couple who're afraid they've traumatized their Weimaraner. Also stars Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara. Very funny movie. PG-13. Cinemark 17. Blair Witch 2 Book of Shadows: Directed by documentary filmmaker Joe Berlinger, this sequel has a docu-feel as young people in Birkittsville, MD, lead tourists into the woods looking for. R. McDonald. Cinemark 17. Cannibal: The Musical: Trey Parker (Orgazmo, South Park) wrote and directed this deadpan musical parody that at its core is about Alfred Packer, the only man in the country ever convicted of cannibalism. Variety called it "a pitch-perfect sendup of hackneyed lyrics and irrationally joyous choreography." NR. Late night Bijou. Contender, The: Three big stars -- Joan Allen, Gary Oldman and Jeff Bridges -- star in this political drama directed by Rod Lurie. Allen's character is a senator in line to be Vice President, but Oldman plays an old enemy who remembers a sex scandal from the past. R. Cinemark 17. Cinema World 8. Coyote Ugly: David McNally comedy about cocktail waitresses who perform juggling acts with bottles in a rowdy New York bar. Stars Piper Perabo, Maria Bello, Melanie Lynskey, Adam Garcia and John Goodman. PG-13. Movies 12. Dinosaur: Disney gets a little risqué with a PG rating, no songs and computer-generated dinos against live-action backgrounds. Stars the voices of D.B. Sweeney, Julianna Margulies and Della Reese. PG. Movies 12. Dr. T. and the Women: Robert Altman's comedy/romance stars Richard Gere as an overbooked Dallas gynecologist with domestic problems. Also stars Helen Hunt, Laura Dern, Kate Hudson, Shelley Long, Farrah Fawcett, Tara Reid and Liv Tyler. R. Thursday, Nov. 2 last showing. Cinemark 17. Cinema World 8. See review this issue. Exorcist (2000), The: Classic 1973 horror tale of a young girl possessed by the devil raises fascinating questions about the nature of evil and fate. Director- (William Friedkin) and writer's- (William Peter Blatty) cut features outstanding performances by Ellen Burstyn, Linda Blair, Jason Miller and Max von Sydow and excellent digital sountdtrack. An A+ movie. R. Movieland 6. (See review.) Girl on the Bridge: Charming film about two misfits who are perfectly suited. He's a knife thrower in a circus (Daniel Auteuil and she's his target (Vanessa Paradis). Dynamite together or apart, their knife act generates a lot of sexual feeling. Very highly recommended. R. Bijou. Girlfight: Sundance 2000 smash hit, this movie about a young woman boxer (Michelle Rodriguez) who becomes attached to her sparring partner (Santiago Douglas) in and out of the ring is directed by Karyn Kusama. One of the very best movies of the year, it has a natural winner in Rodriguez. Don't miss this excellent film. R. Bijou. (See review.) Gone in 60 Seconds: Angelina Jolie, Nicolas Cage, Robert Duvall, Delroy Lindo and Giovanni Ribisi star in Dominic Sena's car-thief drama. Cage and Ribisi play siblings. Surprisingly entertaining. R. Movies 12. Hollow Man: Director Paul Verhoeven's (Basic Instinct) rape movie stars Kevin Bacon as an experimental scientist who becomes invisible and runs amok. With Elisabeth Shue, Josh Brolin and Kim Dickens. Avoid it like the plague. R. Movies 12. Kid, Disney's The: Played by Spencer Breslin, a child meets himself at 40, a man played by Bruce Willis. Is he impressed? Find out in Jon Turteltaub's comedy. PG. Movies 12. Ladies Man: Saturday Night Live spinoff stars Tim Meadows and Will Ferrell, directed by Reginald Hudlin. It's about a dumb-as-bread dude who thinks he's hot stuff and goes on the radio to prove it. R. Cinemark 17. Legend of Drunken Master (2000): Re-release of Jackie Chan's 1994 Hong Kong action flick directed by Chia-Liang Liu with a new title. Chan's father has taught him how to fight in the style called Drunken Master, which requires unbelievable, ballet-like movements. Cinemark 17. Movieland 6. Little Vampire, The: Cute kid from Jerry Maguire Jonathan Lipnicki has a vampire friend he shares adventures with. Based on books by Angela Sommer-Bodenburg; directed by Ulrich Edel. PG. Cinema World 8. Cinemark 17. Movieland 6. Lucky Numbers: Starring John Travolta and Lisa Kudrow, this lotto numbers gambling drama is directed by Nora Ephron. The stars plot a way to rig the game. R. Cinemark 17. Movieland 6. Cinema World 8. Meet the Parents: Ben Stiller plays the unfortunate prospective son-in-law to Robert Di Niro's overly protective father. Directed by Jay Roach, the film also stars Teri Polo and Blythe Danner as the engaged daughter and her mother. PG-13. Cinemark 17. Cinema World 8. Nutty Professor II: The Klumps: The oversize family Eddie Murphy introduced in Nutty I is back, and they're having a wedding for Sherman aka Buddy Love. Janet Jackson's the bride. PG-13. Movies 12. Pay It Forward: Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment (The Sixth Sense) star in this drama about a boy whose class project turns into phenomenon taken up by lots of people. Directed by Mimi Leder. PG-13. Cinema World 8. Cinemark 17. Perfect Storm, The: Wolfgang Petersen directs this true action adventure based on Sebastian Junger's nonfiction bestseller. Six fishermen out of Gloucester, Mass. run into a killer storm on the high seas. Stars George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, Diane Lane and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and William Fichtner. PG-13. Movies 12 Remember the Titans: Football movie based on the true story of a 1971 Virginia high school falling apart from racial conflict until a black coach (Denzel Washington) from out of town pulls them together. Directed by Boaz Yakin, it also stars Will Patton and Kip Pardue. PG. Cinemark 17. Cinema World 8. MOVIE THEATERS Use the links provided below for specific show times. Bijou Art Cinemas Bijou Theater | 686-2458 | 492 E. 13th Regal Cinemas Cinema World | 342-6536 | Valley River Center McDonald | 344-4343 | 10th and Willamette Movieland | 342-4142 | W. 11th and Seneca Springfield Quad | 726-9073 | Cinemark Theaters Movies 12 | 741-1231 | Gateway Mall Movies before 12:30 are Sat. Sun. only. $1.50 all shows all days. Cinemark 17 | 741-1231 | Gateway Mall NEW RELEASES ON VIDEO: Releases subject to change. Available the Tuesday following date of EW publication, sometimes sooner: Joseph King of Dreams: This animated Biblical story never showed theatrically. Voices: Ben Affleck, Mark Hamill. G. Mission Impossible 2: Tom Cruise and Ving Rhames return to this lucrative franchise, based on the 1960s TV series, with John Woo directing and Thandie Newton (Besieged) as the love interest. Great action. R. Prince of Central Park: Nonmusical adaptation of a musical play stars Frankie Nasso as a 12-year-old boy living in Central Park who runs into Kathleen Turner, Danny Aiello and Harvey Keitel there and Cathy Moriarty as the wicked foster mother. The New York Times review called it well meaning but complained about its ordinariness and generic plot twists. Strong language. PG-13. Titan A.E.: Tale of a post-Earth epic journey by a rebellious teen who must find the Titan machine that can recreate the planet. Voices by Matt Damon, Bill Pullman, Drew Barrymore and others. Animators Don Bluth and Gary Goldman direct. PG. Next week: Annie Get Your Gun (1950), Attention Shoppers, Big Momma's House, Boys and Girls, Fantasia 2000, Hamlet, The Perfect Storm, Pokemon 2000, Price of Glory, Running Free and Secrets of the Heart. Back to Top Table of Contents | News & Views | Arts & Entertainment Classifieds | Personals | EW Archive